mental health


I started suffering with mental health issues in my early teenage years. There was a lot of stress put of me by my school to succeed in my exams as well as problems within my family. Yes, everyone has exams and everyone has family problems, but they don’t all have depression. This is the main reason why I kept it to myself. I thought it was me just being sad and that I could pull through it. I led myself to believe that me self-harming was just attention seeking. I chickened out of at least three suicide attempts and that solidified the thought in my mind that I was just sad.

It wasn’t until a few years later when my anxieties creeped over me like a cloud that I realised that this wasn’t me being silly. I was getting scared about the smallest of this; my heart would race and I couldn’t breathe. I told my family and they supported me to get the help that I needed.

So I went to the doctors and was put on a waiting list. I waited, and waited, and waited. Anyone that has been on a waiting list in the UK knows that it takes the actual piss. When I finally got an appointment nearly 18 months later, I realised I was having CBT (I still don’t even know what that’s meant to do or achieve) but I went along feeling slightly apprehensive. I had three sessions; the place was closed most of the time and the woman seeing me didn’t seem to care enough. Maybe that’s just the view of a depressed person because it does feel like nobody gives a shit, but I was greeted with the same question every single week. “On a scale of one to ten, how bad has your depression been this week?” How is that meant to help again? Obviously, this form of therapy does work for some people, so I wouldn’t want to put anyone off doing it.

So I went into my second year of university, still feeling like utter crap, but better than I had been a few years prior. It was early in that academic year, however, that I was struck with the tragedy of losing one of my closest friends to suicide. It hit me harder than anything ever had and I found myself back at square one being unable to control my thoughts and feelings. The work load at university began to pile on even more and I began to think how I would be better off dead. It was a hard time and I knew I needed help again.

That’s when I went back to the doctors in April of this year. I was prescribed Fluoxetine which is a form of Prozac used mainly for depression but also for many other illnesses such as anxiety, obsessive compulsive disorder and bulimia nervosa. The first few days of me being on this medication were incredibly rocky. I felt low and anxious but I was determined to battle through it to see if it would get any better.

It’s two months since I started taking this medication and I have noticed such a big change in myself. I have begun to take care of myself far more than I ever have before. I have begun to exercise, eat healthily, clean and have noticed my creativity begin to soar more than it ever has. There is the underlying fear that I will go back to square one as soon as I stop taking them, but I’m finally starting to see a light at the end of the tunnel.

Thank you so much for reading and I’ll see you next time x



Suicide is the leading cause of death in the U.K. with around 4,400 people ending their own lives each year. As well as this, over 3.2 million students worldwide are victims of bullying within their school community which can often contribute to the rise in suicides with young people.

As someone who has struggled with mental health, suicidal thoughts and bullying, I was intrigued when the internet blew up with new Netflix show 13 Reasons Why based on the book by Jay Asher. It tells the story of Hannah Baker, a high school student who killed herself and left thirteen tapes with thirteen reasons why she did it. Now, I found this show to be, not exactly enjoyable, but very well made. Despite this, it is one that I would advise people to approach carefully and to read the trigger warnings that have been floating around the internet, especially if you think that you would be triggered by themes of r*pe, ab*se and suicide.

But this is not what I wanted to talk about. I knew that the show would make me feel upset and I saw myself in both Clay and Hannah as someone who had been in that struggle and someone who had lost a close friend to their own struggle. What I didn’t expect to feel, which I am feeling like a burning fire, is anger. I am angry that it has taken a show for people to realise that their actions have consequences and can often cost someone’s life; for people to realise that things that they say can be damaging because you don’t know what that person has gone through.

Quite often, we are too quick to judge people and I found myself doing that when I watched this show. The show through characters at you in a negative light with only Hannah’s voice telling you what she thought of them, but the minute you found out what their home life was like or what had happened to them, you found yourself realising that you were making assumptions and disregarding anything other than what you were told by our lead character.

Even though this story has touched so many people and made them realise that you should be careful with what you say, I am angry that this probably won’t change anything in the way in which we treat our peers and how we tackle difficult issues. The school system is incredibly flawed with the way that it treats children that have got mental health issues and I don’t think that a television show would change this.

Another thing that I would like to add is that so many people die by their own hand each year and they should be remembered. The suicide scene in this show was incredibly graphic but it was raw and painful to watch which is how suicide should be treated. It’s viewed upon as weak to end your life, but you see Hannah cry out in pain showing that it isn’t easy to do.

So I really think that this show delivers a strong and powerful message to the viewers and I would highly recommend it but with caution. Although the show has many messages, there is one that I would like to pass onto you and would hope that you carry into the world: be kind, always.

Thank you for reading and I’ll post again soon, Hollie x